four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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