I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
