This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Who died my cat blue again?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
