I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
