The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
