I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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