he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
How naked do you want me to be?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
