I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My vagina is very pro this idea
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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