she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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