How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
