Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
