In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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