i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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