worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
