remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I need a burrito and a hug.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
