Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
