he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
