Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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