I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
