Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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