I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
