i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
