That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
