You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
