Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
