who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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