he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
