Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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