The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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