would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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