I don't usually arrange sex via text message
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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