my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
handjob tips. give me some.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
try to milk me bitch
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