brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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