I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
this just has baby written all over it
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
