he thought i was a dude.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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