I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
