i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
