so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
