He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
