It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
