My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
