When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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