i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Randomize
