It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
