apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
