I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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