I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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