Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
