once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
