It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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