Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
