i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I want to fling myself into the sun
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
