He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
